DISABILITIES

By Daniel J. Vance

If multiple sclerosis were his only challenge, Chip's life would be going well.

Multiple sclerosis is a disease causing inflammation and scarring of the tissue protecting nerves, which affects body movements by disrupting communication between the brain and muscle. No cure exists. Chip's (not his real name) first symptoms involved balancing difficulties and a “cloudy” spot in one eye.

But his biggest challenge isn't MS. His wife wants a divorce.

“My symptoms began in 1990 when I was only in my mid-20s,” he said in a telephone interview. “As my MS symptoms worsened, my wife seemed to draw away from me. She wasn't supportive, and was very pushy getting me to try new drugs. Within the last year, I'd describe our relationship as being emotionally separated. There's no real connection between us.”

These days Chip is legally blind, unable to walk, and “my thoughts patterns aren't the most clear,” he added.

A year ago his wife of 20 years asked for a divorce, which happens all too often in couples struggling with disability. The two then separated, and the divorce should be finalized any day. The marriage has yielded two children, the youngest of which is 14.

Chip said, “My wife has said a number of times that she has felt cheated in life, as if she didn't deserve having to live with my disability.”

Separation from his two children also has hurt. “I rarely see them, at best once every couple weeks,” he said. “I used to see them every day. I absolutely want to reconcile with my wife.”

Over the last year, Chip has lived in an independent living facility in which the majority of residents are more than twice his age.

It appears as if his wife has taken advantage of his disability. Chip strongly believes that earlier this year she forged his name on a check to withdraw thousands of dollars from a joint account. He's “absolutely certain” he didn't sign it because he no longer signs checks due to being blind. He uses a special stamp.

Surprisingly, in many ways the emotional struggle surrounding his disability has spiritually strengthened him, he said. “I'm getting through all this because of God. He has given me peace.”

For someone dealing with divorce due to disability, he said to look to God for support, and find good friends and a disability support group.

For more, see www.danieljvance.com